A police officer pulls over a speeding car. The officer says, "I clocked you at 80 mile per hour, sir." The driver says, "Gee, officer, I had it on cruise control at 60, perhaps your radar needs calibrating." Not looking up from her knitting the wife says sweetly from the passenger seat, "Now don't be silly, dear, you know that this car doesn't have cruise control." As the officer writes out the ticket, the driver looks over at his wife and growls, "Can't you keep your mouth shut for onc...

A police officer pulls over a speeding car. The officer says, "I clocked you at 80 mile per hour, sir." The driver says, "Gee, officer, I had it on cruise control at 60, perhaps your radar needs calibrating." Not looking up from her knitting the wife says sweetly from the passenger seat, "Now don't be silly, dear, you know that this car doesn't have cruise control." As the officer writes out the ticket, the driver looks over at his wife and growls, "Can't you keep your mouth shut for onc...

She spent the first day packing her belongings into boxes, crates and suitcases. On the second day, she had the removalists come and collect her things. On the third day, she sat down for the last time at their beautiful dining room table by candlelight, put on some soft background music, and feasted on a kilo of prawns, a jar of caviar, and a bottle of Chardonnay. When she had finished, she went into each and every room and deposited a few half-eaten prawn shells, dipped in caviar, ...

She spent the first day packing her belongings into boxes, crates and suitcases. On the second day, she had the removalists come and collect her things. On the third day, she sat down for the last time at their beautiful dining room table by candlelight, put on some soft background music, and feasted on a kilo of prawns, a jar of caviar, and a bottle of Chardonnay. When she had finished, she went into each and every room and deposited a few half-eaten prawn shells, dipped in caviar, ...

I have had it. I've taken all I can stand and I can stand no more. Every time my TV is on, all that can be seen is effeminate blokes prancing around like fairies, redecorating houses and talking about concepts like "style" and "feng shui." Heterosexual, homosexual, bisexual, transsexual, metrosexual, non-sexual; blue, green, and purple-sexual, bull..... definitions have taken over the country! Real blokes of Australia, stand up, scratch your arse , burp and yell "ENOUGH!" I hereby ann...

I have had it. I've taken all I can stand and I can stand no more. Every time my TV is on, all that can be seen is effeminate blokes prancing around like fairies, redecorating houses and talking about concepts like "style" and "feng shui." Heterosexual, homosexual, bisexual, transsexual, metrosexual, non-sexual; blue, green, and purple-sexual, bull..... definitions have taken over the country! Real blokes of Australia, stand up, scratch your arse , burp and yell "ENOUGH!" I hereby ann...

Hello, my name is Alan and I suffer from the guilt of not forwarding 50 billion f*****g chain letters sent to me by people who actually believe that if you send them on, a poor 6-year-old girl in Newcastle with a breast on her forehead will be able to raise enough money to have it removed before her dysfunctional parents sell her to a travelling freak show. Do you honestly believe that Bill Gates is going to give you, and everyone to whom you send "his" email, $1000? How stupid are you? "O...

Hello, my name is Alan and I suffer from the guilt of not forwarding 50 billion f*****g chain letters sent to me by people who actually believe that if you send them on, a poor 6-year-old girl in Newcastle with a breast on her forehead will be able to raise enough money to have it removed before her dysfunctional parents sell her to a travelling freak show. Do you honestly believe that Bill Gates is going to give you, and everyone to whom you send "his" email, $1000? How stupid are you? "O...

A man is out shopping and discovers a new brand of Olympic condoms. Clearly impressed, he buys a pack. Upon getting home he announces to his wife the purchase he just made. "Olympic condoms?", she asks, "What makes them so special?" "There are three colors", he replies, "Gold, Silver and Bronze." "What color are you going to wear tonight?", she asks cheekily. "Gold of course", says the man proudly. The wife responds, "Really, why don't you wear Silver, it would be nice if you ...

A man is out shopping and discovers a new brand of Olympic condoms. Clearly impressed, he buys a pack. Upon getting home he announces to his wife the purchase he just made. "Olympic condoms?", she asks, "What makes them so special?" "There are three colors", he replies, "Gold, Silver and Bronze." "What color are you going to wear tonight?", she asks cheekily. "Gold of course", says the man proudly. The wife responds, "Really, why don't you wear Silver, it would be nice if you ...

A man decides to have a face-lift for his birthday. He spends $5,000 and feels really good about the results. On his way home, he stops at a newsstand and buys a paper. Before leaving, he says to the sales clerk, "I hope you don't mind me asking, but how old do you think I am?" "About 35," was the reply. "I'm actually 47," the man says, feeling really happy. After that, he goes into McDonalds for lunch and asks the clerk the same question. The reply is, "Oh, you look about 29"....