Allow me to vent my spleen.
I have had it.
I've taken all I can stand and I can stand no more. Every time my TV is on, all that can be seen is effeminate blokes prancing around like fairies, redecorating houses and talking about concepts like "style" and "feng shui."
Heterosexual, homosexual, bisexual, transsexual, metrosexual, non-sexual; blue, green, and purple-sexual, bull..... definitions have taken over the country! Real blokes of Australia, stand up, scratch your arse , burp and yell "ENOUGH!" I hereby announce the start of a new offensive in the culture wars, the Retrosexual Bloke's Movement.
Our Code:
* A Retrosexual bloke, no matter what the girl says, PAYS FOR THE DATE.
* A Retrosexual bloke opens doors for the Sheila's. Even for the ones that fit that term only because they are female.
* A Retrosexual bloke DEALS with IT, be it a flat tyre, a break-in into your home, or a natural disaster, you DEAL WITH IT - not your missus
* A Retrosexual bloke not only eats red meat, he kills it himself if necessary.
* A Retrosexual bloke doesn't worry about living to be 90. It's not how long you live, but how well. If you're 90 years old and still eating' pies with sauce and drinking' a coke or even better, a beer I salute you. If you are still having sex (with your wife), you're a real hero, a legend.
* A Retrosexual bloke doesn't use more hair or skin products than a sheila.
* A Retrosexual bloke does not dress to look prettier than his girlfriend.
* A Retrosexual bloke should know to shoot, hunt and fish - how to kill stuff if need be.
* A Retrosexual bloke never watches TV show with "Queer" in the title
* A Retrosexual is allowed to seek professional help for major mental stress such as drug/alcohol addiction, death of your entire family, favourite sports team being flogged, favourite pig dog expiring, etc.
* You are NOT allowed to see a shrink because Daddy didn't pay you enough attention. Or cos he put you on the potty when you were too young! Dry your eyes and harden up princess!
* A Retrosexual bloke knows how to tie a Windsor knot when wearing a tie -- and ONLY a Windsor knot.
* A Retrosexual bloke should have at least one good wound from a gunshot, shark bite, motorcycle, footy kick or pig tusk he can brag about getting.
* A Retrosexual bloke knows how to use a basic set of tools. If you can't hammer a nail, or drill a straight hole, practice in secret until you can -- or be rightfully ridiculed for the wuss you are .
* Crying. There are very few reasons that a Retrosexual bloke may cry, and none of them have to do with TV commercials, movies, or soap operas. Sports teams are sometimes a reason to cry, but the preferred method of release is throwing the remote control. Reasons a Retrosexual bloke can cry are not limited to death of a loved one, death of your dog, loss of a major body part, or loss of major body part on your favourite Ute, that's all - end of story!
* When a Retrosexual bloke is on a crowded bus or a commuter train, and a pregnant woman, actually, any woman gets on, that retrosexual bloke stands up and offers his seat to that woman, then looks around at the other so-called men still in their seats with a disgusted "you cockhead" look on his face.
* A Retrosexual bloke can drive in mud , snow, gravel or a flood without sliding all over the road or driving under 20 kph, without anxiety and without spearing into a creek or tree .
* A Retrosexual bloke can chop down a tree and make it land where he wants. Wherever it lands is where he damn well wanted it to land. Except on his ute that would happen because of a "force of nature", and then the retrosexual bloke options are to Cry, or to DEAL with IT, or do both.
* A Retrosexual bloke doesn't need a contract -- a handshake is good enough. He will always stand by his word even if circumstances change or the other person deceived him.
* A Retrosexual bloke doesn't immediately look to sue someone when he does something stupid and hurts himself. We understand that sometimes in the process of doing things we get hurt and we face up to it!
"When trouble arises and things look bad, there is always one individual who perceives a solution and is willing to take command..................more often than not - that individual is crazy"
BAM!!!