The Animals are going to get us...

They are more than capable you know!

Published on August 1, 2004 By Muggaz In Blogging

Individually, Humans as a species have got the wood on the animal kingdom… If a monkey wants to pick a fight with a human, he can pretty much guarantee a career as a lipstick tester for the rest of his meagre life… some monkeys look good in lipstick, but I am sure they would much rather be tomfooling about in the forests!!! One day, humans are going to take it too far, and we will have a war of epic proportions on our hands.

Independently, a bunch of lipstick shy monkeys don’t have much hope in defeating the genius that is the human race, but should the animal’s all of the sudden become disenchanted with the neglect they endure from the human species – neglect that comes in the form of disrespect, I am sure they will unite and organise in a wave of hostility towards their up-standing mammal relatives.

We have dolphins that operate on sonar… they need not their eyes; a simple click of the jaw can tell them our exact location! Sure, we aren’t susceptible to the viscous flippers of the sea, however, one day, I suspect the dolphins might get a bit peeved with being mistaken for the less intelligent tuna, and should we be foolish enough to canoodle in their domain, the Dolphins have an intelligence that is totally alien to us, and I am sure they are ore than capable of teaming up with some rather large White Pointer sharks to add a little brute to their intelligence.

The Shark is the most evolved of all species on this earth, its body and brain has been finely tuned to become the master predator of the seas… Sharks are not the only worry in the ocean though; I keep a watch on the Octopus. Who doesn’t love a nice bit of calamari from time to time? Little do we know that Octopi are actually capable of solving problems! They can open and shut doors with ease, and they are a mass of brain activity controlling their tentacles with ease and beautiful co-ordination… being consumed by a giant Octopus is a fear of note… they have razor sharp pincers for crab consummation, and they can quite easily draw you into their grasps with their suction cuffs, and mince human flesh far easier than crustacean snacks… crabs taste a lot nicer than humans I am sure… and Octopi do have crab nets to thank for many of their meals, but I am still afraid of the water

The land is not so safe either… We have birds like the Raven, who at a mature age, can provide genuine insight into the problem solving skills of the ‘lesser’ species. Conduct a practical research experiment… tie some meat to a piece of string and hang it from a horizontal bar… you will see that young Raven will incessantly continue to try and snatch the meat from the string by flying into it, however, this is completely useless. Alternatively, the older and wiser Raven, will assess the situation, sit on top of the horizontal bar, and utilise its beak and claw to drag the string towards it – solving the problem and eating the meat on the first attempt…

We also have the perilous Galah in Australia, causing much grief amongst the farmers due to their ability to figure out how to infiltrate grain supplies. The pesky devils have been rendering hession bags quite useless… they know where we keep our stashes… not to mention the insolent galahs that have learnt the art of speech! Driving neighbours crazy with profanities mixed with squawks! No wonder Alfred Hitchcock was so inspired.

A bird’s natural instinct can be used against it though, which is why we are perhaps still grand poo bah on this planet. Geese take a mental imprint of the first thing they see when they open their eyes, and this is known as their mother – which they follow indiscriminately for the reminder of their youthful life… so, in theory, if the birds get to uppity, we can just get some eggs, and raise them as our own, and we can use them to our advantage!!! *Mwa hahahahaha*

So far, I am convinced that as a whole, humans can take on any individual species, and even some collaborating, however, once the bugs get involved, it’s all over for us. Organisation is the key, and even the most anal retentive HR officers or personal assistant has organisational skills that are dwarfed by the bugs. Bugs are commanded and organised based wholly on instinct. When a termite is attacked, a pheromone is released that let’s all it’s termite buddies know there is a threat – this is instantaneous, if this tool was available to the rest of the animal kingdom, we would be in big, big trouble.

Should humans one day go too far, and it’s not un-feasible that we have underestimated the alien intelligence of animals; I am joining whatever side Steve Irwin the Crocodile hunter joins… Crikey, that man is an animal; he’ll know what to do!!!

BAM!!!

Comments (Page 1)

mignuna

on Aug 01, 2004

there is something like a million-and-a-half bugs for each person, muggy. i always feared my personal quota of bugs would somehow become organised and jump on me all at once. thankyou for giving me something else to worry about

mig XX

Janders

on Aug 01, 2004

This reminds me of the Simpsons where the dolphins take over springfield.

THanks for the laughs....

Gideon MacLeish

on Aug 01, 2004

This is why we domesticate. Keeping stupid animals, like dogs, on your side, improves your odds (I love dogs, but let's face it...you'd think they'd be clued in by about the 5,000th time they tangle themselves up in the tree).

Muggaz

on Aug 01, 2004

THanks for the laughs...

Ah... here is the first problem... you think it's funny? you think it's funny that the Octopi, Dolphins and Sharks are more than capable of killing us with the help of the birds???

hehe...

Dog's are cool... they are immersed in joy by simply chasing their tails, birds though, they are plain evil, finding enjoyment from swooping and shitting... damn birds...

BAM!!!

hotmiami

on Aug 01, 2004

Now if you published that "Animals Fight Back" diatrabe in our liberal rag here in Miami, why there are enough dumbwads here, they'd stay the hell out of the Ocean, which isn't such a bad idea come to think of it. Seriously, we, as a species have been consistantly getting bumped off since the dawn of time by creatures with 0 (that's a zero) IQ, no brain, no eyes, no tail, no teeth, no wings. It ain't the animalitoes (spanish for animals) we have to fear, it's the friggin virus'es against which we have little defense. You can forget Rin Tin Tin and Lassie and Gentle Ben, I mean let's get our priorities straight Muggaz, right?? Of course I'm right.

Muggaz

on Aug 01, 2004

You can forget Rin Tin Tin and Lassie and Gentle Ben, I mean let's get our priorities straight Muggaz, right?? Of course I'm right.

I think possibly the Dolphin's and the Octopi have a secret labs in the depths of the Ocean, and it's guarded by hard-core shark's, and thats where these destructive virus' all come from...

You can forget the CIA when it comes to creating AIDs or ebola... it was Flipper.

BAM!!!

Mandy

on Aug 02, 2004

hehe, funny and great article!! I think the whales are in it as welll, the whales, the dolphins and the sharks are going to be allies against us humans. After all it serves them right to take a stand, after our damn LFA sonar has hemorhaged with their hearing.

Muggaz

on Aug 02, 2004

Actually they are one of the least evolved, having changed little from their prehistoric form, similar to gators and crocs. Which is why a lot more of them are eaten by us than vice versa.

- just because they have been the same for 100 million years doesn't mean they are the least evolved... they just reached a pinnacle of evolution a long, long time ago, hence they haven't evolved since their prehistoric form!

They evolved into predatory perfection when the dinosaurs were saying bye bye...

BAM!!!

Muggaz

on Aug 03, 2004

LoL @ perfection. Thats why i can buy all the shark steaks i want at the local grocery store for 4.99 per pound and alligator boots on sale for $200. The only creature on earth that comes close to being the perfect predator is man. For all their teeth and claws and camoflage, mankind still has the upper hand over animals with guns and traps and lures...and against his own kind, nuclear weapons.

Pit a man and a Shark mono e mono and see what happens....

first in the water - then, if the man survives, he can have a go at the shark in his own domain...

Weapons have nothing to do with predatory evolution LW...

BAM!!!

Muggaz

on Aug 03, 2004

When a man is born with a gun, I will beleive you... you go and write that book.

Discounting weapons - The Shark is the most advanced predator on the face of the earth.

Weapons are scientific evolution - not natural. We learnt that in grade 3 over here...

BAM!!!

Muggaz

on Aug 03, 2004

as a further note - LW I digress - It's obvious that humans are the most advanced predators on the earth.... I guess I wasn't thinking... I apologise to any kiddies who take my word as gospel - I was not entirely correct

Besides - the Sharks will just use those smart Dolphin brains to make some cool weapons... when the time comes...

/Jaws Music

BAM!!!

Muggaz

on Aug 03, 2004

I guess you cant grasp the concept that human intelligence is our weapon. No wonder, seeing how nature shorted you in that department

My cats breath smells like cat food.

Actually, I was going to let it slide - but even 4 hours after I retracted my statement, and clarified, you have to come and have a go, not to mention this was a light hearted post anyway...

You know what, I think you have a little problem with me little whip, and I think it's funny. Somewhere along the line I have made you angry, so now you wanna get me angry! it's not going to work, because an insult on my intelligence coming from you, after my conduct and digression, only makes you look bad, which means I dont even have to try.

Something tells me my lack of intelligence will get me further in my life than your obvious abundance... maybe that's just youthful exhuberance... or, maybe it's my lack of intelligence again... pffft... find something better to do with your time...

I broke my wookie.

BAM!!!

romeo5000

on Aug 03, 2004

Hahahahahaa! You crack me up!

I love to read an intelligent argument....

Me fail english? That's unpossible!

messybuu

on Aug 03, 2004

I think you're mistaken. Animals are not going to go to war with humans. Instead, we will fuse in the ultimate combination of man and beast ever imagined: Spider-Man.

Muggaz

on Aug 03, 2004

I think you're mistaken. Animals are not going to go to war with humans. Instead, we will fuse in the ultimate combination of man and beast ever imagined: Spider-Man.

Ah, i think that Spidey is more man than Beast... and that Venom is really the ultimate combination, yet he is more beast than man...

Venom would join the beast, and Spidey would join us... and we would still have a battle of epic proportions.

Either way you look at it, Epic proportions are cool.

BAM!!!

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