The Animals are going to get us...

They are more than capable you know!

Published on August 1, 2004 By Muggaz In Blogging

Individually, Humans as a species have got the wood on the animal kingdom… If a monkey wants to pick a fight with a human, he can pretty much guarantee a career as a lipstick tester for the rest of his meagre life… some monkeys look good in lipstick, but I am sure they would much rather be tomfooling about in the forests!!! One day, humans are going to take it too far, and we will have a war of epic proportions on our hands.

Independently, a bunch of lipstick shy monkeys don’t have much hope in defeating the genius that is the human race, but should the animal’s all of the sudden become disenchanted with the neglect they endure from the human species – neglect that comes in the form of disrespect, I am sure they will unite and organise in a wave of hostility towards their up-standing mammal relatives.

We have dolphins that operate on sonar… they need not their eyes; a simple click of the jaw can tell them our exact location! Sure, we aren’t susceptible to the viscous flippers of the sea, however, one day, I suspect the dolphins might get a bit peeved with being mistaken for the less intelligent tuna, and should we be foolish enough to canoodle in their domain, the Dolphins have an intelligence that is totally alien to us, and I am sure they are ore than capable of teaming up with some rather large White Pointer sharks to add a little brute to their intelligence.

The Shark is the most evolved of all species on this earth, its body and brain has been finely tuned to become the master predator of the seas… Sharks are not the only worry in the ocean though; I keep a watch on the Octopus. Who doesn’t love a nice bit of calamari from time to time? Little do we know that Octopi are actually capable of solving problems! They can open and shut doors with ease, and they are a mass of brain activity controlling their tentacles with ease and beautiful co-ordination… being consumed by a giant Octopus is a fear of note… they have razor sharp pincers for crab consummation, and they can quite easily draw you into their grasps with their suction cuffs, and mince human flesh far easier than crustacean snacks… crabs taste a lot nicer than humans I am sure… and Octopi do have crab nets to thank for many of their meals, but I am still afraid of the water

The land is not so safe either… We have birds like the Raven, who at a mature age, can provide genuine insight into the problem solving skills of the ‘lesser’ species. Conduct a practical research experiment… tie some meat to a piece of string and hang it from a horizontal bar… you will see that young Raven will incessantly continue to try and snatch the meat from the string by flying into it, however, this is completely useless. Alternatively, the older and wiser Raven, will assess the situation, sit on top of the horizontal bar, and utilise its beak and claw to drag the string towards it – solving the problem and eating the meat on the first attempt…

We also have the perilous Galah in Australia, causing much grief amongst the farmers due to their ability to figure out how to infiltrate grain supplies. The pesky devils have been rendering hession bags quite useless… they know where we keep our stashes… not to mention the insolent galahs that have learnt the art of speech! Driving neighbours crazy with profanities mixed with squawks! No wonder Alfred Hitchcock was so inspired.

A bird’s natural instinct can be used against it though, which is why we are perhaps still grand poo bah on this planet. Geese take a mental imprint of the first thing they see when they open their eyes, and this is known as their mother – which they follow indiscriminately for the reminder of their youthful life… so, in theory, if the birds get to uppity, we can just get some eggs, and raise them as our own, and we can use them to our advantage!!! *Mwa hahahahaha*

So far, I am convinced that as a whole, humans can take on any individual species, and even some collaborating, however, once the bugs get involved, it’s all over for us. Organisation is the key, and even the most anal retentive HR officers or personal assistant has organisational skills that are dwarfed by the bugs. Bugs are commanded and organised based wholly on instinct. When a termite is attacked, a pheromone is released that let’s all it’s termite buddies know there is a threat – this is instantaneous, if this tool was available to the rest of the animal kingdom, we would be in big, big trouble.

Should humans one day go too far, and it’s not un-feasible that we have underestimated the alien intelligence of animals; I am joining whatever side Steve Irwin the Crocodile hunter joins… Crikey, that man is an animal; he’ll know what to do!!!

BAM!!!

Comments (Page 2)

H-Bomb

on Aug 03, 2004

You don't need my help Markus....ur doing just fine......

but to all of you, markus is spot on.....one day animals will take over just wait you'll see....

and ps ur nutters markus if u think Sharks are beauitful creatures there scary as hell !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Zoologist03

on Aug 03, 2004

You're right we must prepare ourselves for the possible overthrow of the human species....these animals are getting more intelligent as time progresses.....if they can organize with other species than we are done for.......Game Over Man....

~Zoo

Mandy

on Aug 05, 2004

haha...I know this is soo mean, and I shouldnt' even say anything cause Porky handeled it very well! Props Mark on your control of certain bizatches! lol haha, anyway back to my little image in my head.

I imagine LW in the water....and all these sharks are coming after her cause she said they weren't evolved and talked about how she can buy a shark steak and shiz...and I can just see her little head bobbing out of the reaf of New Port beach screaming in a squeeky voice, "Oh help, somebody! These sharks be eatin' at my leg." haha, And then I imgine the Jaws music playing "TUN TUN TUN TUN" and I will leave the rest unsaid folks cause then someone might think I'm some sort of psycho cali serial killer or something....lol

SSG Geezer

on Aug 05, 2004

We also have the perilous Galah in Australia, causing much grief amongst the farmers due to their ability to figure out how to infiltrate grain supplies. The pesky devils have been rendering hession bags quite useless.

What is a Galah bird and what the heck are hession bags? lmao

Muggaz

on Aug 05, 2004

What is a Galah bird and what the heck are hession bags? lmao

- A Galah is a big parrot.... pink and white... I think it's the biggest on the species, and one of the highest costing birds on the balck market... It's really funny, the farmers over here hate them, yet they are protected, and if you get busted smuggling them out of the country, your ass is grass.... They fetch such a high market value because they are really, really smart... They can be taught to speak with a vocabulary of up to 100 words!!!

One of my friends had one and when we were younger, we taught it to say *Fuck Off* and it would incessantly yell *fuck off* it was too funny...

Hession bags are the bags that farmers keep grain in... I have no idea what the American equivalent would be!!!

Mandy - LW would kill the sharks, because, she is more evolved after all...

BAM!!!

Sir Peter Maxwell

on Aug 06, 2004

This was a good article Muggaz, just a shame that our resident Klan princess felt the need to throw personal insults at you. You handled it in a truly Maxwellian way for which you must be congratulated but I must say that you have probably already gone further in life than that particular lady. You are an up and coming young professional working for a technology company while she is a disturbed ex KKK member who lives in a bloody caravan park.

Mandy

on Aug 06, 2004

Word to that Sir Peter, word to that!

Sir Peter Maxwell

on Aug 07, 2004

Word to that Sir Peter, word to that!

Your language confuses me but my son Richard tells me "word to that" is good.

Mandy

on Aug 07, 2004

word to that is good f'sho! I need to ghettofy you Sir Peter!

Mr_Frog

on Aug 07, 2004

I broke my wookie.

Just a word of advice : Let the wookie win.

-- B

Mandy

on Aug 07, 2004

I don't care what you say LW. I Don't like you and it's simple as that. I don't know why people like you. To me your a self-centered, mean, bitter bizatch that resents everyone that doesn't agree or think like you. I may be intolerant, but only cause it's you. I'm a pretty tolerant person, I tolerate different types of people, from different life styles, races, etc. I didn't think there was one person that I could utterly dislike without even meeting them. Thanks for proving me wrong.

Mandy

on Aug 07, 2004

stop talking about your stupid Klan crap, I don't CARE!!!!!!!!!!!

SSG Geezer

on Aug 07, 2004

Muggaz,
Actually the largest parrot is the Hyacinthene Macaw, very large parrots but they sound like a kick in the ass to see.
I have a raven that lives near my house that whistles and sounds like a cell phone. (No it wasn't a mockingbird.)
I have a friend who's African grey knew about 200 words. Smart for a birdbrain.

Muggaz

on Aug 08, 2004

Sorry, Mugz, while i did honor your request for clarification of posts meant to be taken in jest

Ummmmmm..... you directly insulted my intelligence... nothing you ever say to me will be taken in jest, because secretly, I think you dont have a heart... and no matter how many 'look what i did aren't i great stories' you tell me, it doesn't change who you are, or at least how you come across.

Let this just serve as further warning to stay out of my blog, because I dont like the feelings you instill with in me... I dont want to blacklist anyone, I just think we can never possibly get a long, so we will just leave it at that shall we?

Thanks for the facts Geezer!!! I think the Galah is Australia's biggest parrot though...

We dont have Ravens in Australia, but like i said in the article, I have seen and reasd about them doing some cool stuff... Did you know crows have little meetings to discuss where good food is and that kind of crap? Birds are hardcore...

BAM!!!

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