Well… I have passed the hump that is 12.31pm on Wednesday – Not as many working hours left than I have already completed until the weekend.
Not much going on in the world of Muggaz today. I am actually quite bored with the lack of exciting activity going on at the moment. There are no new people in my life that I need to maintain some sort of relationship with, and I have spent the last two weekends at friend’s holiday houses, so I don’t want to over do the interaction with those guys.
I have been playing a lot of Counter-Strike though. Tim jumps on the computer in the lounge, and I jump on my computer, and we go and stat whore public servers. It’s a highly addictive game, and to be honest with you, I don’t really want to play it all the time, its just that nothing better seems to present itself.
There are a bunch of really cool play station and computer games out at the moment, but I will not purchase them because I know I will just get engrossed in the game, and simply, I put more value on my time than to have it waste away in front of the computer playing games.
All this playing CS when I get home, makes me realise my routine is getting crap. I have no good friends who would be willing to just go and grab a coffee, a movie or anything like that… they are mostly anti-social and are happy in their little comfort zones… I like to step outside the square every now and then… I feel like I am suffocating. The friends that would be willing all have girlfriends or boyfriends, and I categorically despise being the third wheel… the subject of me being single always comes up, and its not something I really want to think about.
It’s funny how an important event in my youth has had a massive and dramatic effect on my whole life. I don’t have many friends my own age. They are either a couple years younger, or a couple years older, and I always feel a little lost.
The reason I don’t have friends my own age I attribute to my dad dying… I kind of pushed my best friends through high school away after that, and I didn’t allow myself to get close to anyone… I regret that now, because I don’t have the standard bunch of mates that a 21 year old guy should normally have… and because I got my job straight away, and I didn’t partake in any tertiary studies. Interaction with people my own age simply hasn’t happened since I finished school, other than on random occasions purely brought about by coincidence.
The friends I do have are awesome though… it’s just that the average age is about 24… and the difference between 21 and 24 is pretty great. Especially when they all have long term girlfriends or boyfriends – they never want to go out!!!!! The only way you can get them to go anywhere is if it’s a birthday or something like that, and it really makes me angry.
How does a 21 year old guy make new friends??? I mean, I can’t walk up to a dude in a pub, and say
“All my friends are lame, I need new ones!”
What kind of reaction would you expect?
I am in a ridiculous catch 22… a Girlfriend would solve all my problems of having nothing to do all the time. It would give me someone to hang out with and do whatever we wanted, when we wanted. However, as everyone will half a brain will attest to, you don’t find girlfriends, they find you, and so I am just waiting for my angel, and my patience is wearing thin.
When you have a lot of stupid things on the mind i.e. how your friends are lame, and your after work buddy is a bunch of 13 year olds playing games, the idea is to keep busy. Can you see how I am slowly going insane?
Every night is so predictable… I will go home, maybe have a billy, then play some CS, then 1 or 2 of my anti-social friends will pop over or i will go to their house to discuss current happenings and events, then I will play more CS. This routine really, really sucks, and there isn’t really much I can do to break it, unless I get new friends and things to do!
It just feels as though there is something missing… i am sure its just a state of mind... I am never alone, yet i always feel lonely.