Dont mention the L word

Apparently it's all we need.

Published on February 15, 2004 By Muggaz In Personal Relationships

I have found myself asking over the past few days, how long could I possibly go without falling in Love?

I plan on racking off for a considerable amount of time in October this year… I don’t plan on coming home until I am 30…

As insensitive and brash as I may appear, I don’t know if I can stay away that long without a love in my life.

At the moment, it is all just questions, because I have absolutely no idea on how I could predict what is going to happen in my life of the next 5-10 years, I am just a bit scared, that’s all.

I know I am an emotional powerhouse, I have simply been through so much from such a young age, I am strong, and I can take whatever the world throws at me, nothing surprises me anymore, however, to reach this stage of emotional power, I have certainly cried my fair share of tears.

I was speaking to Michelle on Friday night, she is one of my mate’s older sisters, and she was enquiring as to my marital status at this point in time (it was the most blatant come on ever – but Mug Man wasn’t interested in friend’s older sister – he only does younger sisters)

She had just gotten back from Japan and the conversation lead to how I am heading OS later this year… Michelle has had 2 serious boyfriends leave her to live over seas for long periods of time... and she said nothing else hurts like that, well, she obviously hasn’t lived much, but I got her point.

I guess I am just frustrated, because there are two things I am ready for right now. One is to rack of and live my life rather than get stuck in the monotonous grind that everyone else settles for, and the other is a relationship. I have to decide which one I want more.

At the moment, the overseas trip is winning hands down. Simply because I know how much fun I am bound to have, and the fact that finding a girl who understands me will be the most daunting task this particular individual will ever under-take.

I expect opportunities to liaise with the opposite sex will be plentiful… but that’s not exactly what I am after.

Right now I crave a girl who I can not only hold in my arms at night, but who I can have a friendly conversation with the next day… or have a pillow fight with… or just be themselves around me… people trying to impress other people is the ultimate decadence behind western society today. As a great man once said – It’s better for someone to hate you for who you are, rather than someone to love you for who you aren’t.

I am going to have a lot of fun with the girls overseas... that, you can bet your house on. At the end of the day though, i am still a monogomous guy, and conservative values when it comes to Love still hold true.

I miss having someone love me, someone who wanted to know what I was doing, when I will be home, and making sure I am wearing something nice rather than using my non-existent male fashion sense.

My greatest fear at the moment is stumbling across this girl, falling in love, and then having to hurt her when I go, hurting myself in the process.

How do I protect myself from Love, when it seems to be one of my greatest desires? Isn't it funny how immeasurable ammounts of happiness can be found in Love, but the same quantity of pain can easily be located within the same syllable.

Apparently Love is all we need… well, that’s what a bunch of Beatles sung about… I am yet to see if its true yet… I have faith though…

BAM!!!

Comments

dharmagrl

on Feb 15, 2004

I don't know where you got the impression that if you met a girl you'd have to leave her when you go OS...why can't you ask her to go with you? That's what my husband did....so i went. If it's love you're after, and i think that you are, then my best advice to you is this: quit looking. Stop trying. Do what you want to do, and wait for it to find you. The harder you look, the more elusive it is...i think in part because it becomes so obvious that that's what you're looking for. And what's wrong with being the guy who does older sisters? Perhaps that's where you're making your mistake: older women are more likely to be comfortable with who they are and therefore less likely to be pretentious (all the older ones I know are, anyway)...but this is just my opinion, take it as you will. In case you're wondering, i'm older than my husband...and we just had our 10th wedding anniversary.

Tangled Wishes

on Feb 15, 2004

Lovey, you just got some good advice

J/K about the lovey thing, thought it would be proper and all.

But really, if you REALLY want my opinion, which you probably don't but I'm going to give it to you anyway...

Go overseas. You could fall in love at any time. You could meet that special someone anywhere. But you CAN'T go overseas anytime.

What if you meet her, and fall in love, end up pregnant, pinching your money to provide for your new family and new home, and then your dreams of traveling have been shot to hell.

I know that families are important. But they can be postponed, seeing the world many times CAN'T.

But do what you want. Fall in L if you want, or experience life through new eyes if you'd rather. Only you can make that decision.

~Anne

Muggaz

on Feb 15, 2004

- thanks Dharma...

I know this is terribly double standard of me... but i want to go overseas by myself... i want to do my own thing while i am young.

And i am not looking for love.. i thought that much was clear... i just miss being loved, and its not something i am going to get to experience if i am gone for a long time. AS for Michelle... i have known her for a very long time... and we are friends, sorry, but i didn't want to jeopardise that. besides, she may have been a little drunk, and i just dont take advantage of drunk women!!!

Anne... your a sweetie

imajinit

on Feb 15, 2004

I can't speak intelligently about the "L" word. I've managed to fuck it up at every bend. I've hurt more women in the last 5 years than i care to count, and it's not something that i'm really proud of. at least not anymore.
The problem is, i have yet to find one that i really feel a "connection" with... in many ways i think like you, that to find someone that really understands me will be very difficult. I spent last evening at the dance hall with an ex-girlfriend, and then spent the night on her couch. She made it plain to me that we could get back together if i wanted to, but of course i did not. She's definitely not "the one", of that i'm sure. So I slept on the couch.

or maybe i wouldn't know "the one" if she walked in my front door right now... who's to say if i would know what to do with "L" if i had it. The last heart i broke belonged to a damned fine woman. One of them that's gonna make a great wife for some lucky man someday. just not me...

But as for the decision on whether to go overseas or find love, i can speak from my experience. i've been overseas, with the military, and i can tell you that you are going to have some life altering experiences. Of course you're going to meet some amazing people, and some spectacular women. I met and married an Italian woman while i was there, and then divorced her and came back home. I fuck up a lot you see... but something tells me that you'll manage just fine. make sure you keep us posted on your adventures. Who knows, maybe you'll meet some beautiful woman on your travels and she'll move back to the Outback with you. You just never know what craziness God has in store for you.

Let me know when you're in Italy, i'm planning a trip back there in the next couple years to visit my old friends there. I'm hoping to meet "the one" so i can take her with, but i'm not holding my breath. Maybe we can meet up in Venezia or Firenze and have a couple beers... "posso avere un' altra birra?"

Mackintosh

on Feb 16, 2004

Whatever you do, don't get into a long-distance relationship. Mine fucked up and left me...well, a shell of what I used to be. Having learnt from my mistakes, I'm on the verge of getting myself into another one. *bangs head on the desk* And now my ex has returned to haunt me too. As for escaping love...mwahahahahaha...you can't. It's that simple.

Muggaz

on Feb 16, 2004

Haha.. Thanks Macky!!!! i know i cant escape it... i just hope it doesn't fuck shit up for me.

MJ - will do in regards to Italy... you had to throw the God comment in there didn't you?

I know i am going overseas, thats for sure... but in the interim, do i explore oppurtunities? or do i shut myself off emotionally for the next few months? I dont want to hurt anyone... least of all myself.

Dan Kaschel

on Mar 03, 2004

Love isn't something you do, it's something that happens to you. You are nothing but a passive victem. MUWAHAHAHA!

~Dan

Sherye Hanson

on Mar 03, 2004

Dan is right, but it usually happens when you are really ready. Until then, see the world.

Muggaz

on Mar 03, 2004

You Guys are so Feburary!

BAM!!!

Mackintosh

on Mar 03, 2004

Sometimes it's good to revisit the past

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