A lot of people in temporary positions of authority are absolute jerks.
The main perpetrator’s here are nightclub/pub bouncers or security guards.
As a general rule, these guys are meat heads, and are security guards because they couldn’t pay for their souvlaki any other way.
It takes 6 weeks to get an accredited security guard licence, after that, you can start your own firm, or you are pretty much guaranteed work within another firm.
In Melbourne, a popular sports figure has just died because of injuries sustained at the hands of pub security, and its in the news every other week.
I myself, was a victim of a security guard on a power trip last Friday night.
We had Mills birthday party, it was at the Glenferrie hotel – a venue where I spent nearly every second Friday night over the space of a couple of years.
I had my 1996 – 1998 Manchester United home top on… I like that top in particular because it was the one Eric Cantona made famous by arrogantly turning the collars up whenever he scored a goal – I leave my collars up as a mark of respect to the great man!
There has been many an occasion where I have got into this establishment wearing less casual clothes. When the guard stopped me, I thought he was having a joke because he didn’t like Man U… so I just said whatever in my usual disdainful tone towards security and kept on walking – at which point the freak manhandled me.
I simply couldn’t understand why I had to take the top off, so I was exceptionally mad when my arm was grabbed. They couldn’t explain the reasoning behind it, and I was taking these idiots to pieces with my concise logic and my advanced lexicon – they were looking at me confused for the most part.
I wasn’t getting anywhere with these imbeciles, so I just took my top of, and walked in with my rather plain and somewhat more casual white shirt on… and I made a beeline for the manager. I couldn’t find him right away, but a lady at the bar told me to chuck it on, so I did.
Cleverly, after I had already spent $20 at the bar, the manager came and found me to ask me to take my top off. Firstly he asked why I had put the top back on after the guards said I couldn’t. I explained that one of the ladies behind the bar said it was ok, and because the imbeciles at the front could not give me a clear and concise reason, I was not submitting to their fascist request.
Managers at pubs… I don’t know whether they find dealing with intellects refreshing, or if they would rather stink to drunkards, I still don’t know. From the look on this guy’s eye, he was so mad that I had belittled him and his guards just over the sake of a shirt.
He began to explain to me that my shirt would incite violence… considering over 90% of our country wouldn’t even be familiar with this shirt, I found that to be quite rich, and I told him so. He also said that because AFL tops (Australian Footy) tops weren’t allowed to be worn there, neither could soccer tops… which is ridiculous, because soccer tops have collars, and their were guys all over the place with rugby tops on… double standards.
I just gave in… I stuck my shirt half in my trousers, told the manager what I thought of him and his policies, and that they are lucky it’s a dear friend celebrating his birthday, otherwise I would be taking my wads of beer money to another establishment. He didn’t really care, and he was ready to boot me out then, but he realised I was smart enough to call him on it, and he thought better.
Me being the fire starter I am – and at this stage quite drunk, when it was time to go, I put my top back on as we were saying bye to our friends… it took literally 20 seconds before I was ushered out (past 2 guys in Rugby tops and another not as obvious soccer top) I made a scene and appealed to the masses…
When I was ‘safely’ removed from the venue, I had a conversation with the security whilst I was outside, it was quickly ascertained that even when rather intoxicated, these security guards were no match for my intellect…
I don’t think I am ever allowed back at the Glenferrie
