I lay in bed last night, awake for much longer than I usually am.

I don’t have any problems with going to sleep – the average 7 minutes it takes for people to fall to deep sleep, pfft… that is a breeze for me.

But I am stupid… I actually care about things, and I don’t have the ability to ignore.

So much stuff happened last night to piss me off.

Firstly… Nick was suppsed to drop some cash n shit over to my house that he owed me… I don’t need it… its just that he keeps on postponing and other crap pops up… I hate being busy, it makes it very hard to meet up with friends and organise things when you are both available… I didn’t really have much time last night, there was only a 2 hour opening, and Nick wasn’t able to make it. I wish there were 3 of me, so I could be several places at once.

Secondly… Went to dinner at some restaurant, and there was a fine waitress there… I made her laugh about 7 times, and she was just screaming for me to ask her out… but I couldn’t do it in front of my mum and family… its just not the done thing. I just wish I asked for her number… I didn’t have anything to lose you know… either she gives me number or not… who cares either way!!! Man… I have to go there again some time soon… but last night, I went directly against my mantra for living in the now… and I am waiting for later… what if there isn’t a later. Crap. I am soooo mad.

Thirdly… I get home from said restaurant, and I find 800 points deducted from my total. I know its of no consequence/importance whatsoever, but I am competative by nature, and someone has implored underhanded tactics to knock me out of the top 10… I have absolutely no idea who it could have been, because I simply cant contemplate the fact that someone would waste their own time by going through all my articles and citing me as trolling… I mean… why bother? Who am I to you???

Fourthly… I have let an argument on this thread (http://draginol.joeuser.com/index.asp?AID=7139) get to me personally. Whether a kid has a gun or not… I don’t understand how anyone can support a minor going into an institution like guantanimo bay for fighting a war in their own homeland. I also fear for my reputation… you never get a second chance to make a first impression, and unfortunately, because of the lop sided views of some members of this websight, and my direct contradiction to these views, I have been ostracised from any intellectual converstation amongst these people.

Fifthly… On the late news I see more bombing and destruction in Iraq and Isreal… I see the peoples faces, the fear in their eyes on the television, and I know that as long as people have the attitude “it’s a fact of life” that it isn’t going to change in the near future

Sixthly… All this making me upset, and I start thinking about my ex… and how dissapointed I am she isn’t the friend now that I thought she would be when we broke up.

I found myself in bed… just all of these questions going through my head… and I guess I just felt alone. It would be apparent that caring is a curse, especially if you care about something dearly. Its moreso of a curse if you cant do anything about it, and you are constantly witness to arrogant conservatives who try and justify every action with an event from the past.

Its almost enough to make me quite my blog at this site… because, I can take personal attacks… they don’t worry me… its just the attitudes that really make me fear for the future – attitudes that represent ignorance to other people, and their perspective on life.

I wont quite though – because its my responsibilty as an empathetic and head strong person to not lie down. Maybe, just maybe, one conservative person will pop their head up and listen to what I, and the other liberals around here have to say, and they might take a different perspective on the world rather than look through star spangled banner tinted glasses – and if that happens, all the crap and dissapointment I am putting up with will make it worth while.

There are always two sides of the coin though – I forget that some Right Wingers genuinely don’t know any better, I mean if you live in America (correct me if I am wrong) you really have to make your own efforts to get any news on the outside world, and how are you going to form an international perspective if you don’t make the effort to obtain information from various parts of the globe? I would say a large percentage of Americans could not even point out finland on a map…

I really wish I could have a physical conversation with some of these people… I am finding arguing/debating on the internet draining with certain individuals, because they are ignorant enough to assume they know everything about me, what I stand for and why I stand for it… I am admitting now, I cant hold a debate with these people, because opinions are just too biased towards one side of the argument. I am 100% confident I can hold my own in a ‘real’ debate with these people, but I wont get that oppurtunity, and frankly – they are losing my respect at a rate of knots because of their inability to see any viewpoint from another perspective that isn’t their own.

It feels good to have gotten that out in writing. I feel a lot better now… and I cant understand why I let this kind of thing get to me. I suppose its just because I respected a certain user because of the service he is providing to the community, but as a person… I am struggling to find any of the qualities I admire most in people, I suppose he and his ilk just typify the arrogant right winger, while according to them, I epitomise the illogical left winger.

I have said it before, and I will say it again… that’s not going to change, because we are so far apart its not funny. It’s a pretty basic concept – what I consider wright or wrong couldn’t be more polarised to what they consider right and wrong if we tried.

Luckily there are still some great people within this community, and I enjoy interacting with them immensely, you guys keep on coming out with that great content, and you have my support.

Blog on my friends… Blog on…

BAM!!!