Another notch on the belt, Another lesson learnt
It’s a shame that we have to resort to playing games in relationships, and there is a part of me that has always hoped being honest with ones feelings and emotions will always reap rewards – alas, I have been burnt once again for not playing the game.
I am still a very young guy, and it’s only natural for my adventure through life to teach me lessons, some learnt in a harsher fashion than others – it’s just up to me as an intelligent life form to move on and advance from these ‘lessons’
The problem was, she knew she could have me… I made my lust and feelings known too soon, whereas I should have busied myself with other things and ignored the fact that I had a shot at a fruitful relationship with an attractive girl who had her life together.
I thought I was doing the right thing by letting the walls down – yet all I have learnt from this experience is that it is very important to remain guarded and distant. I should have told her she wasn’t allowed to come over on that Friday night… Damn these emotions, and damn liking this girl. It’s hard for a guy like me, but I have to work on the ice cold a bit more.
I was reading a book on philosophy the other day on the train, and I came across some valuable insight on how to live my life. Usually I would be really upset and mad at this whole situation, but I read the following, and it was like being enveloped in a sea of calm :-
A perfect mans heart is like a mirror
It does not search after things
It does not look for things
It does not seek knowledge, just responds.
As a result, he can handle everything, and is not harmed by anything.
I know it is a bit rich, but I do aspire to be the perfect man, and from what I have learnt in life thus far, I would do well to recognise my heart as a mirror. I would like to handle everything, and I don’t really want to be harmed by anything. Letting the walls down is just not an option anymore, within me is content – and only me.
Whilst I am disenchanted with the way this situation has turned out, if all we can do is learn from our circumstances in life. I am a great guy, and I have a lot to offer anyone in a relationship, I suppose I had best not offer so willingly. Life is just a great big game, and everyt stage is just a level. If I have to play the game, I will… don’t hate the player though, hate the game...
I am still here, fighting another day...