Now that i have had time to come off what ever illicit substances were consumed over New Years/Christmas period i have put some serious consideration into recent events.

I have to say, and definitely admit - i am still rather Naive. I would never have thought a young lady could use me as a sexual object!!! and have no other expectations from me!!!

I was brought up on traditional values when it comes to courting/dealing with the opposite sex. As far as i was concerned, first comes the wining and dinning, with a little schmoozing... then if you are lucky you get the piece of ass.

I have been guilty of over-analyzing in the past, and perhaps this is the case now, but what just happened to me, isn't that what females have been complaining about for years how they aren't respected, and are only viewed as sexual objects???? I have really learnt alot in regards to human relationships since my last one failed (Sept 02)

Its also rather amazing that as soon as i get a piece of ass, i feel 100% confident in myself, and i am generally a really happy guy at the moment... i still feel very empty though, sure, sex is fantastic, but i am really a monogomous guy at heart, and i am not really cut out for the sex thing, unless there is some morale fibre behind it. The whole time i was interacting with Steph, i was picturing her in relationship mode... i couldn't even imagine that she would use me a sexual object... i would like to say that perhaps is the reason why we slept together, cause i could see it going further, odds are though that i slept with her because i hadn't had sex in a long time, and there was obvious chemistry between us... and i couldn't have said no even if i wanted to... she did all the picking up here...

I suppose its all part of the great life learning experience, and i also suppose it is good that i haven't fallen in love with this girl, and i dont really want to fall in Love this year... dont get me wrong, i would really like a girl to fall asleep in my arms at night... there is not a feeling that comes close, but 2004 is the year of Muggaz... i want to do my own thing, and i dont want a relationship to jeopardise that possibility... I plan on going to Europe in October this year, for a long time, so, its a bit of no mans land in between then and now, and i dont really know what i can do to fill the void in the interim.

Maybe more casual sex with randoms...

Who knows.