On one of my frequent trips to my own little world, I was reminiscing about the many times I have been denied entry or removed from venues due to my inebriated state by bouncers or security guards. At the time, I wasn’t to happy about being asked to depart, or having my entry denied, yet hindsight is a beautiful thing, and I realise, whilst the bouncers could be perceived as power tripping, they were only looking out for my best interests – sure, they probably lost about $50 for the venue of my hard earned cash, but that was one less drunk they had to deal with.
I started thinking about other venues and times where it would be beneficial for all concerned to deny entry or remove individuals from establishments, and almost instantaneously, I thought of McDonalds and Burger King, along with KFC – whilst it is almost preposterous to think of any fast food chain loosing revenue like a pub or club when they deny patronage, I think it would be for the greater good of society if said establishments had bouncers and security guards denying entry to obese people.
There would be a rigid guideline for height to weight ratio, and if you don’t cut it, no big Mac for you jumbo. Of course, there are mitigating circumstances to wide circumferences, and special food permits will be available, kind of like how you need ID to get into a club. There would be a negative though, Crack heads and smackies are known to frequent such fast food venues, and a weight challenged person could easily employ the services of a malnourished junkie who quite easily fits the guidelines to patronise such establishments, I don’t know about you, but I would much prefer junkies perform clandestine sugar missions for fatties than breaking into my house!
Just entertaining the idea for now, I know it’s tough love, and the revenue of fast food restaurants would drop dramatically, it’s like the rich people of south America, accept this epidemic is spread across the world – 20% of the people eat 80% of the food, sure, pimply teenagers will lose their jobs, and McDonalds will not have the money to have millionaires accused of rape (Kobe Bryant) as their spokes people – which is just as well, kids might actually play some ball instead of being escorted to Macca’s by their parents who were addicted to fast food as kids, because fast food was the crack of the 50’s and 60’s – no one knew what was in it, it just tasted good… damn fact it was addictive didn’t come out till later!
So, in summary – we would have less fat people, crack heads purchasing big Macs for a small percentage of fatties who don’t know what’s good for them - with a cut on the side to support their habits, instead of constant burglaries, pimply teenagers playing ball because they don’t have to serve greasy crap to fat people, and last but certainly not least, more opportunities for insecure males who can’t get a better job to deny the general public a simple pleasure…
Take it away Stevie…. Oh what a wonderful world!!!