I have never been here before
This is going to be a bit of a rant… I am feeling emotional right now, so I need some form of release… guess what JU – you are going to get it.
I feel absolutely crazy right at this instance. I am going to try to articulate it in words, If you have decided to read on, I wish you the best of luck.
There is so much stuff going on that is making me feel both ecstatic and rather sad. It mostly involves chicks. There are a couple of chicks who I have been seeing lately… now, I have always been a monogamous kind of guy, and the concept of more than one chick in your field of view is a rather foreign one to me. I am experiencing feelings I am certain I have never felt before, and I don’t know how to quell them.
Now, without going into too much detail, insane flirting has gone on with one chick, and some physical activity has gone on with the other. I just don’t know how attracted I am to either… I seriously feel like I am using someone, but I am pretty sure I am not.
Chick B, well, I am doing my darndest to make sure that she knows the score… I just hope she knows all I am interested in right now is a little bit of fun… yeah, sure, I am attracted to her sexually, but she isn’t the kind of girl I picture myself taking home to my mother. That’s what I always wanted in a relationship, a nice wholesome girl who has the down to earth good looks and personality… This chick, well, she is nice enough, and she is down to earth, but she wears far too much make up for my likings… I am being a picky fool here, but I find nothing more appealing than natural beauty… It’s early days yet, and it looks like she will be a good friend, but in all honesty, I don’t want anything more than that with this girl… a friendship with benefits, yeah, but only if she is down with that.
Chick A – well… she is a little bit on the daft side… I met her at a pub one night, and I got a text message a few days later from her… I can’t even remember what she looks like… yet; we have been talking on the phone, and flirting like I never have before. We had arranged to meet up on Tuesday night, I called her to see what she was doing, and she said she was in her pyjamas, and wasn’t going out… I sort of warned her that this would be the last time for a long time I would be available to meet up with, because I wanted to examine the situation with chick B (I didn’t tell her this of course)… she still said she wasn’t going out, so I just left it at that.
I know why I did this… we have been flirting now for about 2 weeks… and whenever I have proposed a meeting, she has shirked away. I hate to sound arrogant, but why am I wasting my time on someone who is afraid to meet up with me? Do I seem scary to her? Frankly, if I do, I am not interested in wasting my time and money and valuable sleeping hours talking dirty on the phone at 1.00am…
I needed to tone it down… she has sent me numerous messages since, but I have replied with placid answers, kind of hinting that I am not interested anymore… but she hasn’t read between the lines yet.
I was always the dude to get hoodwinked by the chicks… this feeling is something strange and new to me, I feel ridiculously empowered. The ability to say no is much more respectable than going with the flow and hurting peoples feelings… If I wasn’t careful, if I am still not careful, someone still may get hurt… that is the last thing I want to do.
These girls just keep coming back for more and more… not the worst dilemma in the world, but I think its just because I show dis-interest on most occasions, and I make them laugh… sure, a suggestive comment is not in-frequent coming from my mouth, but I cant help it! I am going to blame mitigating circumstances…
Where do I go from here? Before any serious pre-meditated mounting takes place, I really need chick B to know that I am not looking for a relationship, well, with her at least and that my entire outlook can change at any time? I may be getting ahead of myself, I just don’t want her to have any feelings for me that is stronger than friendship. I feel so wreckless!
We hang around the same places you see… and I don’t want her presence affecting my game in anyway when I am out… because, I am still waiting for my angel, and I know she isn’t it, but I am still allowed to have fun, and if she knows the score, I am happy for her to share in my fun – it really must be on my terms though.
I wonder how this little blog is being received by the *few* that enjoy my articles… I really have to say, JU is another reason I am feeling weird as well.
But that is for another article to follow shortly....
BAM!!!