A day to day acount of the whacky and wonderful world of Muggaz - i tend to be having too much fun these days, and often cannot remember moments due to debauchery - its time the internet repayed my loyalty by recording my antics.
it can be a tough age
Published on January 14, 2004 By Muggaz In Misc
They call it the "Quarter-life Crisis."

It is when you stop going along with the crowd and start realising that there are a lot of things about yourself that you didn't know and may not like. You start feeling insecure and wonder where you will be in a year or two, but then get hot and scared because you barely know where you are now. You start realising that people are selfish and that, maybe, those friends that you thought you were so close to aren't exactly the greatest people you have ever met and the people you have lost touch with are some of the most important ones. What you do not realise is that they are realising that too and are not really cold or catty or mean or insincere, but that they are as confused as you are.

You look at your job. It is not even close to what you thought you would be doing or maybe you are looking for one and realising that you are going to have to start at the bottom and are scared. You miss the comforts of college, of groups, of socialising with the same people on a constant basis. But then you realise that maybe they weren't so great after all. You are beginning to understand yourself and what you want and do not want. Your opinions have gotten stronger. You see what others are doing and find yourself judging a bit more than usual because suddenly you realise that you have certain boundaries in your life and add things to your list of what is acceptable and what is not.

You are insecure and then secure. You laugh and cry with the greatest force of your life. You feel alone and scared and confused. Suddenly change is the enemy and you cry and cling on to the past with dear life but soon realise that the past is drifting further and further away and there is nothing to do but stay where you are or move forward. The stupid ones plateau, the smart ones rise.

You get your heart broken and wonder how someone you loved could do such damage to you or you lay in bed and wonder why you can't meet anyone decent enough to get to know better. You love someone but
maybe love someone else too and cannot figure out why you are doing this because you are not a bad person. One night stands and random hook ups start to look cheap and getting wasted and acting like an idiot starts to look pathetic. You go through the same emotions and questions ove and over and talk with your friends about the same topics because you cannot seem to make a decision. You wonder what in the hell is wrong with you. You worry about loans and money and the future and making a life for yourself and while winning the race would be great, right now you'd just like to be a contender!

We are making a lot of mistakes, but helping one another learn from them. We will piss one another off, and laugh at the end of a conversation that started with angry words. We are a group that talks behind the backs of the same people we call to meet up with on a Friday night, but we are sorry about it and we know that we were just being insecure like they have been.

What you may not realise is that everyone reading this relates to it and we are all in this together. We are in our best of times and our worst of times, trying as hard as we can to figure this whole thing out. We are friends, and in 10 years we will be friends who have figured out where we fit in this world.

Promise yourself that you will lead a continuous life of improvement, and rest assured that one day you will realise where your place in this world is.

Comments
on Jan 14, 2004
I am pleased to say that as much as you received from my writtings, I have equally gained from this single piece. I thank you first off for enjoying my bitter to swallow realities but check out my other piece I wrote before reading this. Sometimes although we know things, its heaven sent to be assured of them by other people. It's the simple confirmation thing. Thank you and welcome.
~ Tripphopbunnyrum (the think too much girl)
on Jan 14, 2004
Yeah, i would be lying if i didn't say i kind of had you in mind when i posted it...

I guess everyone is always searching for assurance, its just whether we have the capacity to find it within ourselves or whether we need it from other people...
on Jan 14, 2004
Well thanks again for the comment on my last piece. It seems as if I am only writing for you, no one else replies! but I don't mind at all, it beats the stacking up of endless piles of paper in the corner of my room. Unfortunately, yes, the boroughs of New York are not fantastic, not a lovely place to go and enjoy especially when you are used to a place like Australia. I've just moved to Florida and look back it as a miserable place, only Manhattan is worth it but everythings always glammed up on TV. Thanks again and I won't lie, you put a smile on my face, more than 4 at least and I do appreciate it.
on Jan 14, 2004
well... my job here is done. keep on smilin'
on Jan 14, 2004
the funny part is when you were a teen , is that you thought if you only made half as much as you make now , then you could rule the world .... Being in my 30`s i can tell you i still have insecurties and wonder if i am doing the right thing ... And well i spose making mistakes is better than never trying at all
on Jan 16, 2004
muggaz, petal ... being 20 something is always woeful. i remember it well. just don't go thinking it will improve. i myself am as stupid and confused at 34 as i have ever been, and the things i believed in my 20's are now just a load of embarrasing kaka.

(but the men i dated and DIDN'T marry are all bald now. like a curse. haaaa). but i digress. my sweet ... the 30's are the new 20's ... so relax pet .... you're only 14. "v"
on Jan 16, 2004
Mommy and Daddy were right all along weren't they? GCJ
on Jan 19, 2004
mignuna, I don't think it is right to say you shouldn't think things will improve. If you try hard to learn as much about yourself and others as you can, I think things will improve by leaps and bounds. YOu have to be forward thinking and not make excuses for not reaching goals. Make realistic goals and stick with them until you achieve them. 21yrs old - now have been the best years of my life. Got a degree, got a husband, started a company, started a family, built a home and have learned to be honest with myself. It's all good.

Best wishes
on Feb 15, 2004
This is positively the best thing you have written. THought I'd let ya know bro.

Trinitie
on Feb 15, 2004
Aw, thanks Trin!!!

Your not 20 though.. bad girl shouldn't have read it!!!!

J/K
on Feb 15, 2004
I'm Trin's sister, and I am 20-something. Your article was enlightening. Thanks for sharing.
on Mar 20, 2004
geez old people can be patronising sometimes!
*sweet smiles to jilluser, vic vanity, gcj and miguna*
hang in there mug -- i reckon life is richer for soul-searching and a little anguish. imagine how empty it would be if everything was sweet and pretty all the time? it's the hard bits that make us appreciate the good bits more.
on Mar 20, 2004
Well I'll be the big 2-3 tomorrow (well technically today) and it is a time of crisis....let the self-analysis begin.....hmm....maybe next year.
on Jun 22, 2004
Wow, I'm only in my teens and I thought once I get out of college it would be the best time of my life. But seriously you guys.....see this is hwo I invasion me in 4 more years when I'll be in my early twenties. NIce apartment in Orange County, Nice car, and just independance from the struggles of college.....but I guess hearing from all you it might be the completely opposite...is it really that bad...you guys are depressing....Would it be bad for a person in their twenties and attending law school?
on Jun 22, 2004
I just got a job offer for my first job post-college. I'm 22, supposedly with all the world before me with nothing but opportunity and growth etc... I'm 22, I have a degree and now I have a job, but it still isn't any easier than it was when I was 21, in college and working part time. It's not that it is a depressing time, it's just that it's a different set of issues to deal with... and they're no better and no worse than the issues you deal with at any stage in your life, the only difference is you have an increasing amount of responsibility and control over your environment. No longer is it up to other people to see to your needs, now it's all on you. This means if it sucks or if it's great, it's mostly of your own doing.