Right now, I have only one predominant goal in life – I am failing in this goal right now, my cocky swagger would tell you as much, I don’t know how to hold my ego back, but I would really like to learn and develop some humility.
For some reason, unbeknown to me, I have gone through life thus far with an inkling of a superiority complex; I know I am not better than anyone, I certainly can’t prove that I am better than anyone, so why do I coast through life with a pompous attitude with my nose haughtily in the air holding many people I encounter with contempt?
I guess admitting this fault is the first step to redemption, alas; I am torn in two with my personality at the moment. I know arrogance is not a desirable trait in any person, and I suppose it has been developed through quantifiable aspects of life – good grades, athletic prowess and a sense of wit and charm that made me easy to get along with, as I grow up though, I realise these are not character traits that make you better than anyone else, and I am learning the hard way.
The word ego gets dirtier and dirtier to me every day; I see what it does to people, not least of all, myself. It seems as though everybody is always trying to be someone they aren’t, whether it is through the clothes they wear, or the company they keep, there is this pretentious attitude prevalent – we are told we need ‘this’ to be cool, or ‘that’ to be hip, and of course, ‘those’ to be successful and adventurous. It kind of makes me sick, because even though I am one of the cockiest dudes I have ever come across, the insolence and posing I see on a day to day basis makes me feel like a saint.
See, even now when I am writing about my desire to kill my ego and superiority complex, ingrained notions of supremacy are plain and simple for all to witness. How does one live a humble life when one doesn’t agree with the way some people live? Who am I to judge someone who thinks they are the bee’s knees because they drive a fast car, big salary and a trophy wife? By the same token, who am I to judge someone who has had an unfortunate life and lives in a trailer?
I guess it’s just something I need to work on, and with time I hope it will come… Sure, to anyone else, I am no one special, I should never care what others think of me, and most of the time I don’t, I don’t know why at times I seek validation from my peers to make me feel important, because I am important no matter what anyone else says, like you are important as well.
I really am no one at the end of the day – perhaps I need to encourage a bit more dissent, eventually, I won’t need other people to keep me grounded, the earth against my feet and the sky as I look up should suffice, I do need to eat some humble pie for some moral fibre.