“Nothing in the world can take the place of Persistence. Talent will not; nothing is more common than unsuccessful men with talent. Genius will not; unrewarded genius is almost a proverb. Education will not; the world is full of educated derelicts. Persistence and determination alone are omnipotent. The slogan 'Press On' has solved and always will solve the problems of the human race.” – Calvin Coolidge.
I don’t know what Cal was talking about in particular when he uttered these immortal words, but I bet it certainly wasn’t a chick. It is a statement that holds true on so many levels and applicable in many facets of life, there are times though, when it’s best to cut your losses and turn a corner, times to seek a different path.
Yes, I am besotted by a female who doesn’t quite feel the same as me. I know there is nothing wrong with me; it’s just that she has a few issues to work through – Am I just telling myself this for a sense of security? Can’t I handle the fact that, God forbid, she just isn’t attracted to me? Normally, I am pretty switched on about such matters, however, I am suffering right now from a plethora of mixed messages that leave me nothing but confused.
I am approaching the precarious stage in the relationship of walking the razor thin line of indifference, yet letting her know in no uncertain terms how I feel. My heart is on the line, and I feel very vulnerable. A great musician sings a good song on the subject… Walking away is so hard to do, but so easy to say. When I am with this girl, what I did yesterday, or what I am doing tomorrow does not matter, all that matters are the precious moments in her company.
On our first date several weeks ago, after I took her in my arms and kissed her, I told her I knew we were going to hook up from the very moment I saw her at a mutual friends 21st months before… well, that fling lasted for 2 short weeks, but as far as I was concerned, it wasn’t over. We have spent time together since, and she still knows how I feel, and I just feel ridiculously stupid not knowing what she is thinking.
We share uncontrollable fits of laughter; and the thoughts of our inner most places in our hearts. We talk about ‘God’ and the challenges that life presents us with. Aside from the fact that she is stunningly beautiful, I love her mind, and the perfectionist in me does not settle for mediocrity, yet; what is the use of desiring someone, who does not want you back? My friends are worried about me, but no more than I am worried about myself. She knows I don’t want to cross that barrier into no man’s land of ‘just friends’ and she sends me signals of attraction that lead me to believe that I am not there just yet – which is good, because I can’t be friends with this girl.
This leads me to the conundrum. When do I tell her I have had enough of waiting? The other night on her bed, she told me that she will be totally over her ex boyfriend when she can have a framed picture of him at her bedside table, to which I promptly replied, that is when I will be here – and to my surprise she remarked that we can finish what we started, a positive sign, but how long is one supposed to wait? So many times that night I wanted to kiss her, but I just held her hand and let her know I was there.
I can’t begin to explain gut level attraction, all I know is that I have to be on my wits end around this girl, and I do know, no matter how stoic I try to be, whenever I look into her eyes, mine betray the inner thoughts and feelings of my soul. Even if I wanted to, I couldn’t play games with this one. I just can’t work out if she is playing games with me. She seems like the most sincere person in the world, I just struggle with her intentions. She knows how I feel about her, but I just wonder if she is considering my feelings at all. Every time I see her, I fall for her over and over, and that is not so healthy.
The hardest part of the situation is what my heart tells me, and what my head tells me is completely different. My heart tells me stick around, that she will work out that I am all she ever needed, and we can build on that, but my head tells me that I am wasting my time, and hanging out with her just confuses them both. I guess all I can do is sit and wait to see what kind of hand fate deals me in this situation, and ride it out… I just need to make her aware that I am not a love sick puppy, but a real man who is capable of walking away… when the time is right.