A day to day acount of the whacky and wonderful world of Muggaz - i tend to be having too much fun these days, and often cannot remember moments due to debauchery - its time the internet repayed my loyalty by recording my antics.
8 surefire examples
Published on July 26, 2004 By Muggaz In Humor
1. If you are over thirty and you have a washboard stomach, you are gay. It means you haven't sucked back enough beer with the boys and have spent the rest of your free time doing sit-ups, aerobics, and doing the Oprah diet.

2. If you have a cat, you are a Flaaaaming homo. A cat is like a dog, but gay - it grooms itself constantly but never scratches itself, has a delicate touch except when it uses its nails, and whines to be fed. And just think about how you call a dog... "Killer, come here! I said get your ass over here, Killer!" Now think about how you call a cat..."Bun-bun, come to daddy, snookums!" Jeeezus, you're fit to be framed, you're so gay.

3. If you suck on lollipops, Ring-Pops, baby pacifiers, or any such nonsense, rest assured, you are a Gaylord. A straight man only sucks on bar-b-que ribs, crab claws, raw oysters, crawfish guts, pickled pigs feet, or tits. Anything else and you are in training to suck El Dicko and undeniably a fag.

4. If you refuse to take a dump in a public bathroom or piss in a parking lot, you crave a deep homosexual relationship. A man's world is his bathroom; he defecates and urinates where he pleases.

5. If you drink decaf coffee with skim milk, you like a high hard one in the poop chute. Coffee is to be had strong, black, and full aroma. A straight man will never be heard ordering a "Decaf Cafe Latte with Skim" and he will never, ever know what artificial sweetener tastes like. If you've had NutraSweet in your mouth, you've had a man there, too.

6. If you know more than six names of colors or four different types of dessert, you might as well be handing out free passes to your ass. A real man doesn't have memory space in his brain to remember all of that crap as well as all the names of all the players in the Major league, NFL, NBA, college ball, PGA and NASCAR. If you can pick out chartreuse or you know what a "fressier" is you're gay. And if you can name ANY type of textile other than denim, you are faggadocious.

7. If you drive with both hands on the wheel, forget it, you're dying to tune a meat whistle. A man only puts both hands on the wheel to honk at a slow-ass driver or to cut the punk off. The rest of the time he needs that hand to change the radio station, eat a hamburger, hold his beer, or play with his bitch in the passenger seat.

8. If you enjoy romantic comedies or French films, mon-frere, vous le Gay, oui? The only time it is acceptable to watch one of those is with a woman who knows how to reward her man. Watching any of the above films by yourself or with another man is likely to result in SHC (spontaneous homosexual combustion), which is what happens to fags when they flame out too quickly.

BAM!!!

Comments
on Jul 26, 2004
So how do I know if I'm a lesbian?
on Aug 05, 2004
Dude, that is not funny.....i wuz lookin 4 REAL anwers via a google surch and THIS crap is wat i got! sum people dont laf at mean stuf like that....
on Aug 10, 2004
i dont know if im a lesbian-im not jokin-like it seems like i am and i dont wanna be cuz i always look at girls but im not sure-so does anyone have some ideas to see if i am?
on Aug 10, 2004
Ok people... only you can tell if you are gay... I am sorry if i offended any homosexuals or confused people out there with this article, but if you want to talk to someone about it, I am sure I can listen... I am not gay, I can tell because i like girls... a whole bunch... i suppose the only way to know your true sexuality is to be confident with ones self, and have the courage to explore a little?

and anon #3 - Girls are beautiful, everyone can look at them without being a lesbian... do they make you feel all warm and fuzzy inside though? I agree with you though... Girls are really hot.

BAM!!!
on Apr 02, 2006
im fuckin gay bitch. and i do all of these things. but let some straight guy run his mouth to me and ill beat the shit out of him. think that i want. lets just say, the last guy who started some shit with me. i beat him until the skin pealed of my nuckles.
that was my dad. now he dosent call me a sissy anymore.

sincerly,

fuck me running!

ps change your view on fags. we are people to!
on Apr 02, 2006
This is too funny! Hey! Anyone who is offended by this, get a fucking life already (and go to WalMart and buy a sense of humor)

on Apr 03, 2006
If you've had NutraSweet in your mouth, you've had a man there, too.

on Apr 03, 2006
I have to strongly disagree with number 6, and I will explain why.

See, first, there are more than six colors in NFL, MLB, and NBA uniforms. For instance, silver and black (Raiders), Green and Gold (Packers), whatever the f^&% color orange the Bengals unis are (forget it...if you know ANYTHING about the Bengals other than the short lived "Icky Shuffle" you ARE gay...I have to concede, they're pretty much a gay team, but I digress...). Anyway, add to the Pack and Raiders colors standards such as red, white, and blue, and you've already hit 7, above the maximum number.

As to desserts, I still disagree. There's cake, pie, ice cream, fried ice cream, fried pie (they haven't come out with fried cake yet, that I know of...I'll get on that)...I could name a whole number of manly desserts. But I would agree that if you know even ONE "lowfat" dessert or most Hostess desserts (too phallic) you're prolly gay.
on Apr 03, 2006
Right on, Muggaz!

Don't let the anonymous cowards and fifteen year old blowhards get you down.

Gid, a real man only keeps track of the colors he needs to identify his Chosen Team. Sure, there may be hundreds of team colors out there, but each team (and each fan) only has to remember his own team's colors. The other team is always "those fags with their gay colors and shit".
on Apr 03, 2006
Gid, a real man only keeps track of the colors he needs to identify his Chosen Team. Sure, there may be hundreds of team colors out there, but each team (and each fan) only has to remember his own team's colors. The other team is always "those fags with their gay colors and shit".


No, a real man knows the colors of other teams unis...just so they can remind their fans that "Green and Gold" sounds pretty gay...they should just say YELLOW and be done with it.

As much as I loathe the Raiders, they are, indeed, the only teams with MANLY colors. Even the colorblind amongst us can identify them.
on Apr 03, 2006
I applaude your keen observations and diligent research! I have, in the spirit of your post, provided some additional Indicators, discovered in my area of expertise.

Real Men do not drive;
New Beetles ( the stock flower vase should be a clue )
Mini Coopers ( Mini ???? )
Subaru's ( there is a reason most of their ad budget is on Lifetime, HGTV, and Food Network )

You sir, are providing an excellent public service, keep up the good work

on Apr 04, 2006
Here's another example.

In school, while other students were dissecting frogs you were opening flies.
on Apr 04, 2006
The only time a straight guy has two hands gripped tightly to the steering wheel is during a blow job( preferably by a blonde with big jugs). Sorry babes.